Understanding two basic differences between the sexes could save your Relationship.
A recent study on infidelity found that the number of men and women having affairs are nearly equal now, with 19% of women and 23% of men admitting to having an affair in the study. However, the reasons why both sexes were unfaithful differ.
Most of the women interviewed in the study said they had an affair because they were emotionally dissatisfied in their relationship. Whereas the main reason the men in the study gave for their infidelity was sexual excitability. This makes perfect sense if you consider the two most important differences between men and women.
How Male and Female Brains Differ
Firstly, male and female brains are different. Females typically have a deeper limbic system than males do. The limbic system is the emotional centre of the brain. Having a larger limbic system explains why females are generally more emotional than males. It also explains why men have such a hard time understanding why women get so emotional so easily, when they don’t.
One advantage of having a larger limbic system is that females are able to tune into the emotions of others, as well as all their six senses, more easily than males can. One disadvantage is that females are more susceptible to mood disorders like depression and anxiety than males are. This is because the male brain synthesizes serotonin much quicker than the female brain does.
Why Women Talk So Much Compared To Men
Females also tend to have verbal centres on the left and right hemispheres of their brain, while males tend to have verbal centres only on their left hemisphere. This explains why women enjoy talking, and will use more words to describe an event, and their feelings, than a man will. It also explains why males find it difficult to express their feelings, and will get to the point a lot quicker than a female does. To sum the situation up, females talk more because their brains allow them to more easily.
Once I teach this knowledge to my female clients, I ask them to try not to overload their male partners by giving them too much new information all at once. I find that, generally, women process verbal information a lot quicker than men do. So women need to learn to slow down and give one bit of information at a time to their partner, and then leave a space for the male to think about it before he responds. It also helps to let him know what type of response you are wanting from him too. Men really do like to please their women, they just don’t know what is expected of them most of the time. They are not mind readers. And they particularly can’t read a female brain because it is so different from their own.
Slowing down to a man’s pace can be very frustrating for a female and seem like they’re discussing things at a snails pace to start with, but it will reap long term rewards. Your man will start feeling more respected by you, and will feel that he is not being talked at, but included in the conversation, so he will start opening up more to you. The process will require the female to practise patience, but that’s not a bad thing. Patience is a good quality to develop. If you really want to talk the way that is natural to you, that’s what girlfriends are for. They’ll understand your need to talk for ten minutes straight without taking a break because they have the same fast processing brain that you do.
Male and Female Hormonal Cycles
Hormonally men and women are also worlds apart. A woman is born with all the eggs (called follicles) she will ever have in her lifetime, in her ovaries – between one to two million. Each month during menstruation, she will lose roughly a thousand follicles (unfertilised eggs). During this time she may experience intense cramping and pain in her stomach, as well as mood swings where she may become snappy or depressed a few days before and during her period. One of the last things a women wants when she’s feeling this way, is an lustful partner desiring to have sex with her.
In contrast, most healthy men produce approximately 1,500 sperms cells per second. That equates to millions of new sperm every day! The downside of continually producing all this sperm, is that after roughly ten to fifteen days, if a male doesn’t ejaculate to release some of the sperm, he will start experiencing an uncomfortableness leading to pain, in his penis and testicles. Most men notice it ‘s very difficult to be around their partner (or any attractive female) without getting aroused during this time.
The inflammatory discomfort the male feels is a result of an accumulation of semen and sperm inside the seminal vesicles and testicles, and can only be relieved by having sex or masturbating.
Not having an understanding of the hormonal differences between men and women can lead to a lot of frustration, hurt, misunderstanding and resentment between partners. Just imagine the problems that can arise when a woman is premenstrual at the same time her partner is in his arousal period. He wants to have sex and makes advances towards his partner. In her snappy state, she tells him to get lost. He feels hurt and rejected. She thinks he doesn’t care about how terrible she is feeling, and only wants her for sex, not because he loves her.
When a male needs to release some of his sperm to feel comfortable again, he needs to remember that his female partner can feel his energy, and what she would be feeling at this time is his lust, not his deep love for her. So don’t be surprised if she refuses to have sex with you during this time.
Men need to learn patience too
It’s funny how some men forget that they can still masturbate to relieve their own discomfort when they’re in a relationship, but they may need to. Just as women need to learn to be patient and slow down their communication with their man, or go find a woman to talk to when they need to vent, men need to return the favour by learning patience when they’re feeling excited, and either wait until their partner is excited too, or go do something about it themselves.
Feel free to comment on how this information might help you in your relationship with your partner in the comments section below.
Sandy Therry (M. Couns) runs a private practice in Perth, Western Australia. She offers Psychotherapy, Marriage Counselling and Life Coaching to her clients, in person and via Skype or telephone. Follow this link for more insights into relationship counselling.